


Promise

by ThetenthtenbeingofTen



Series: Luca and Mari [3]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Anxiety, Confessions, Gay Male Character, M/M, Shounen-ai, Twincest, Young Love, boyslove
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 10:14:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14330271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetenthtenbeingofTen/pseuds/ThetenthtenbeingofTen
Summary: Robin only ever wanted his Mari to be happy.He asked him to give him a promise.Mari doesn't think he can ever fulfill this promise... until he does.





	Promise

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place after [Robin](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14041641) and [Playground of Willows](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14319768) and way before any of the other stories from the Luca and Mari series. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this dramatic short story^^

Mari hunched over and heaved, screwing his eyes shut before the tears could fall. He thought he was going to throw up.

He hadn’t eaten anything that he _could_ throw up, but he felt like he just had to.  
Like he had to run, like he had to hide and be gone forever.  
He was scared.

He was terrified.

He would die.

His knees gave out under him, and he sank to the ground. He tried to support himself with one hand, while the other clutched his stomach.  
He was overcome with a thought and wanted to scream.

Where would he go, if this all went wrong?

If Luca talked… if what he was going to do ever came out… he ran the risk of losing his home.

If everyone would come to know about it… everyone would shun him, as the sick, perverted anomaly that he was.  
Maybe it would be better like that.

Maybe he shouldn’t even try.  
He should just… be gone.  
Just like that.

They would probably cry… but they still had Luca.

Luca… oh Luca… 

Oh Luca… 

Oh sweet, kind and tender Luca… Who would keep Mari alive, if not him? Oh but maybe he was better off dead.

He broke Robin’s heart after all.

Robin had tried to hide it, had tried to keep up his mask until the very end.  
But Mari had seen the cracks.

Robin had been nothing but sweet, kind and tender… he truly was too good for him. Mari had never done anything to deserve him.  
But he had had him. And he threw him away.

A part of him knows, they both had seen it coming.  
When their kisses grew seldom, when their taste turned from sweet to bitter… when Mari wouldn’t smile anymore, when Luca's name felt like a lethal stab… 

Luca… 

He had to tell him. At least this much, he had to do.  
After everything he’d done to Robin, he at least had to fulfill his last promise.  
To tell Luca.

Maybe it was Robin’s way of taking revenge… maybe it was his way of loving Mari beyond reason… whatever it was, right now it would be the thing pushing Mari forward.

He had promised.  
He had sworn it.  
Robin had insisted.

Robin had wanted to believe that Luca would understand, that he’d accept and allow it… that he wouldn't come to hate Mari… 

Oh, Mari begged it would be like that.

He swallowed the stomach acid that had come up his throat and spat out whatever he had remaining in his mouth.  
He would do this. He would go back, and tell Luca.

He had to.

Mari got up, pushing himself up from the ground with both hands. When he stood, he swayed a little and took a staggering step forward.

He had almost made it down the hill when he’d stumbled, it wasn’t far anymore. He would make it back home, and he’d tell Luca.

Maybe he’d let Luca hold him close for a little… let Luca soothe him before he told him…  
Maybe that would make it worse for Luca, but at least this time, maybe Mari could get away with being selfish… 

What was he thinking… he had been selfish all this time.

Dumping Robin… to appease his own sick desires.

 

He still walked forward, just because he didn’t know where else he should go. Because he still had to fulfill a promise.

He came by the post office and crossed the street at a stoplight, telling himself he had to fulfill this promise… telling himself it wasn’t yet too late to run after all…  
Telling himself to keep going, to find Luca and be saved by him once more.

He had walked past the super market now and turned right. He could see home from here.

He walked past the cherry trees when somebody called his name.

“Mari!”, Luca yelled and ran up to his brother. He was so relieved to see him again he didn’t see the tears at all. He didn’t see how he broke.

“Luca”, Mari breathed and forced a smile. “What are you doing here?”, he asked.  
“Robin called me and said you left his place over an hour ago. He was worried you hadn’t gotten home”, Luca explained and put his arm around Mari’s waist. He started walking home.

Mari thought he was going to throw up after all.

“It… takes about an hour to walk up to his home. He shouldn’t have worried”, he groaned. Luca tightened his grip around Mari’s waist and looked at him.  
“Are you okay?”, he asked but kept walking. The sooner he got Mari home and in bed, the better.

Mari didn’t answer.

 

Luca unlocked the front door and led Mari inside. They walked up the stairs to their flat door and Luca unlocked this door too.

He led Mari inside and followed him to his room without a word.

“Shut the door”, Mari said weakly.  
Luca did as he was told, but started to seriously worry.

“Mari?”, he asked and approached the bed, in front of which Mari was standing. Mari looked like he was ready to fade away…  
Luca grabbed his wrist.

“Mari, you are cold as ice!”, he noticed and finally looked at Mari, finally saw it all.

When he’d left, he hadn’t worn a jacket.  
His eyes were red.  
His cheeks were streaked with tears.  
His lips were torn and bloody.  
His face was pale.

“Mari...” he breathed. “What happened?”

Mari looked at him and tried to force a smile. What came out was a pained whimper.

Luca pushed Mari onto the mattress and grabbed the blanket, wrapping Mari in it and sat on the edge of the bed. Mari leaned against the wall, huddled in his blanket and looked at Luca.  
Luca gripped Mari’s knees and looked at him.

“Mari, what happened?”, Luca asked again, but didn’t get an answer. “Did Robin do anything?”  
Luca didn’t think Robin would ever do anything to Mari, but the way Mari behaved just didn’t make sense.  
“No”, Mari insisted and lowered his head.

Luca shifted closer to his twin in a weak attempt to soothe him – and maybe himself as well. Mari moved away. He almost slid off the bed, but he just didn’t think he’d survive being near Luca now.  
Not now…  
Not like this… 

“Then what happened, Mari?”

Mari doubled over, clutching his chest and stomach with both hands. Luca wanted to rub his back, to comfort him, but he couldn’t.  
He didn’t know how.

“Luca”, Mari panted through suppressed sobs. Luca didn’t dare to say anything. “I… broke up… with Robin.”

Luca’s eyes widened. He grabbed Mari’s shoulder with one hand and tried make him look up.  
“But why?”, he asked. “Weren’t you so happy together? Wasn’t he always so kind?”  
Mari looked at Luca from the corner of his eye.  
He was the answer.

“For you”, he whispered so quietly, Luca couldn’t have heard it.  
Mari stood from the bed, blanket falling from his shoulders. Luca seemed to be frozen in place, staring at his brother’s thin back.

“Luca”, Mari breathed, straightening his back for once. “I… made a promise with Robin. I had to promise him something, for him to let me go”, he explained, still not looking at Luca.  
Luca reached out and took a hold of Mari’s cold hand, only for him to pull away again.

“What promise?”, Luca asked hoarsely.

“I need to tell you something”, Mari muttered.  
He pressed the hand Luca had tried to take to his stomach and turned to the side as he struggled. Three little words.  
He’d said them before. He’d told Luca before.  
He’d said it so easily… 

But not like this.

“I love you”, he finally whispered.

“I love you too, Mari”, Luca assured and grabbed Mari’s elbow, now that his hand was out of reach.  
Mari pulled away.  
“Not like that”, he choked.

“Look at me”, Luca demanded. “Please!”

Mari stood like a statue.

“Mari, look at me and tell me”

 

Finally, Mari turned around, looking at Luca like he was about to loose him. Well, maybe he was. Luca felt unsettled when Mari looked at him like that. Like he was about to die.  
Like he was about to disappear forever.

He grabbed Mari’s wrist and when Mari tried to shake him off, he refused to let go.

“Tell me”, he begged.

Mari’s eyes misted over with tears.  
“I love you, Luca”, he sobbed. “I shouldn’t. I totally shouldn’t. But I had to… I couldn't go on like that. And I promised to tell you…”  
Mari’s words got lost among his tears.

Luca’s grip on Mari’s wrist got weaker, and he turned his eyes to the ground.  
He wasn’t sure if he understood the full magnitude of Mari’s words. He wasn’t sure, if his own feelings did him justice.

He knew Mari’s confession was deeper than all the small _I love yous_ they’d exchanged before. He understood that Mari had held this back for so long, that he was in pain and that it scared him.  
He knew he had to save, to hold and assure him now, or else he’d lose him. He finally understood why Mari looked at him like that. 

Unsure what to say, Luca tightened his hold on Mari’s wrist again and pulled him closer. Mari struggled. Luca hadn’t understood, he hadn’t realized… he had to make the cut… he had to stop it…  
“Mari”, Luca said and pulled Mari towards him, while Mari struggled to break free. He was scared… 

Finally Mari’s strength gave out and he fell into Luca’s arms. He continued to struggle, but Luca wouldn’t let him anymore.  
He laid Mari on the bed and held him by his shoulders, looking down at him.

Mari looked at him with nothing but fear.  
“Stop struggling, please”, Luca said softly. “I can’t try to assure you when you run away.”  
“Let me go”, Mari whimpered.  
Luca shook his head.  
“I don’t want you to leave”, he insisted, and straddled Mari’s waist.  
“You don’t understand, Luca!”, Mari cried and turned his head away so Luca wouldn’t see him break any more.

“I don’t”, Luca admitted and sat on Mari’s pelvis. “I don’t… know what you felt for Robin. I don’t know what you feel for me”, he continued and dropped his hands.  
“I know I’m not there yet, unlike you. But I know also, that I need you by my side.”

“Not like that, Luca”, Mari whispered. “When the time comes for you, you will realize, and you will push me aside”, he foretold with lifeless certainty.  
Luca grabbed Mari’s arms and tried to see his face.  
“You can’t know that, Mari!”, he insisted.  
“You don’t even know if you like men at all, Luca! You have never shown any interest like that! You’ll fall for a girl one day and-” “I don’t need to _like men_ to _love you!_ ”, Luca cut Mari off and held back tears.

“Mari… If that’s the only way I can hold onto you, I’ll do just that”, he whispered.  
He was scared.  
He was so scared to lose Mari right now, if he didn’t hold him back.

Mari looked at him.

He had always loved Luca more than anyone.  
“No, Luca”, he said and blinked back a tear, “I don’t want you to do this for me.”  
“I’m not!”, Luca insisted, but Mari shook his head.  
“I won’t leave if you don’t want me to… but… I’ll…” Mari’s voice trailed off. Luca looked down at him.  
At his twin.

The same look, the same expression.

“Close your eyes”, Luca breathed. His hands were damp, his heart beating out of his chest.

Mari hesitated.

Slowly, his eyes fell shut.

 

Luca looked down at him, his twin. His mirror image, his equal, his most beloved partner in everything.

He was his again; at last.

 

Luca leaned down and pressed his lips to Mari’s.  
Mari didn’t breathe.  
Frozen in shock.

He waited for Luca to pull back, to move away and leave him for good… but he never did.  
He stayed right there, and when Mari ran out of oxygen, he breathed into his mouth, remaining right where he was.

When they parted at last, Mari hadn’t moved at all, hadn’t opened his eyes.

“Look at me”, Luca uttered under his breath.

Mari turned his head to the side and felt his lips. If he looked at Luca now, he’d wake from his dream.

He opened his eyes and stared into the distance. Somewhere back there he saw the door. Somewhere further to the side, he saw his wardrobe.

“Look at me, Mari”

Mari lowered his eyes, looking at Luca’s knee which was pressing into his side. Then, slowly he let his gaze wander upwards until he found his twin’s face.  
Their eyes locked.

“Mari”, Luca whispered.  
Mari averted his eyes again.  
“I’m not there yet. But I’ll get there”, Luca assured. Of course he couldn’t know. But he wanted to try. He had to.  
He had to hold Mari now, he had to keep him near, had to keep him by his side.

He got off Mari and reached for the blanket which had fallen to the ground at some point. He pulled it over Mari and himself and slid his right arm under Mari’s neck.  
Mari looked at him.

He wanted to believe it. He wanted to believe that Luca would one day be with him… that they wouldn’t care or worry about anyone other than each other.

Luca entwined the fingers of their left hands and smiled softly.

 

  
  


Mari watched it happen and something inside him fell apart. Slowly, tears welled up in his eyes. His chest grew tight and heavy. His throat constricted.

A sob tore itself from him.

Luca didn’t try to comfort him now. He understood that this needed to happen, that it needed to pass on its own.  
All he did was pull Mari close, pressing his chest into Mari’s back.

Slowly, the fear was washed away. Beneath it lied the pain of loss; heartbreak and guilt.

And somewhere deep inside, what remained was hard to tell.  
But it didn’t hurt as much as before, and it wasn’t as scary as it’d been.

It wasn’t perfect yet.

But it was better.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! If you did, I suggest you read the other works from the Luca and Mari series to see how these two go on with their lives!


End file.
